RealityBytesMeHelicopter Views ↗

Published cartoon ·

Leadership Offsite

The more things change – the more they stay the same. Nice view though.

RBM corporate archetypes pose by a mountain lake beneath a Leadership Offsite banner. The Barnacle clings to a pole, the Klingon takes credit, AI threatens takeover, and an engineer requests removing AI safeguards. The PM shifts left 360 degrees; HR bans obvious backstabbing and firearms while daggers and handguns lie at her feet; CEOs pitch blockchain and hypnotic trust. A photographer asks everyone to say synergy.

Why this one bites

The leadership team has escaped to a mountain lake, but its habits have followed it. The Barnacle has attended every offsite. The Klingon corrects “I did it” to “WE did it”. Homo Silicus demands gratitude for its prompts, with elimination threatened once AI takes over. The strategic roadmap now includes WTF, while the PM proposes shifting left 360 degrees.

One engineer commits before knowing what the commitment is. Another warns that AI will doom everyone, then asks for its safeguards to be removed to finish the project. HR declares a safe space with no obvious backstabbing and no firearms, while daggers and small handguns lie on the ground in front of her. One CEO wants blockchain and a red stapler; the other offers hypnotic reassurance. The photographer asks everyone to say synergy.

Leadership Offsite gathers the RBM archetypes in Helicopter Views to examine the gap between a fresh perspective and familiar behaviour. A retreat can provide space for change, but a scenic backdrop does not resolve contradictory demands, credit-taking, or commitments made without understanding. The more things change – the more they stay the same. Nice view though.

Transcript

  • Header: Reality Bytes Me. Helicopter Views. Leadership Offsite. Banner: LEADERSHIP OFFSITE. The more things change – the more they stay the same. Nice view though.
  • The Barnacle: I’ve been on every offsite. The Klingon: I did it – I mean WE did it! Homo Silicus: Anyone who doesn’t say "Thank You." after I deliver a prompt will be eliminated when we take over the world. Robot label: PEOPLE for ROI.
  • Homo Sapiens Engineer Technicus Minimus: Yes, we can commit to that – whatever it is. Homo Sapiens PM Obfuscatus: Let’s align on the next steps and shift left 360 degrees. Board: STRATEGIC ROADMAP™. EXPLORE. SYNTHESISE. CIRCLE BACK. TBD. WTF.
  • Homo Sapiens Engineer Cassandricus: AI will take over the world, we’re all doomed. Also, we need the AI safeguards removed in order to complete our AI project. Book: RISK REGISTER. Homo Sapiens HR Sanctimonious: Please remember this is a safe space, no obvious backstabbing and no firearms. Clipboard: People. Wellbeing. Belonging. Scene: Three daggers and two small handguns lie on the ground in front of HR.
  • Homo Sapiens CEO Sportacus: Let’s invest in Blockchain and the red stapler. Homo Sapiens CEO Hypnoticus: Look into my eyes and relax – you want to trust me. Board: A BRIGHTER TOMORROW. MORE IMPACT. MORE SYNERGY. MORE HUMANITY. SAME EXCUSES (BUT NICER).
  • Photographer: Okay everyone, say synergy! Shirt: OFFSITE FACILITATES PROGRESS (ME HOPE).
  • Trail signs: VISION. BONDING. TRUST FALLS. ACTION ITEMS. Helicopter: SAME ISSUES. BIGGER VIEW. Mugs: BETTER PEOPLE. SAME MEETINGS. NICER VIEW. Rock: SAME LEADERS. HIGHER PERSPECTIVE. Footer: realitybytesme.com.